new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
