Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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