A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
