Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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