Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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