a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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