You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
