first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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