This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
