Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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