I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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