I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
