Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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