Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
