Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
