Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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