uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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