just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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