Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize