Yo dont text me then not text me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
