to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize