Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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