i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize