During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
