another moral hangover. fuck.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
