i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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