I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
