so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
