Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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