I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
