u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
