You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
