I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Let's get the cat blown out
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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