So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize