Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize