Midget sex pt 2 tonight
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
