The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
