when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
