and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
