I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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