it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
