Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
