he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
