The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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