Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
