rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
