Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
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