who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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