angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
