whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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