It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
