Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
