Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
