you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
