i just google imaged poop.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You did what with his pubic hair?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
