I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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