If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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