He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
