its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I love you.
Bad choice
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
