New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize