Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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