So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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