we're chasing vodka with high fives
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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