absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
