I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
