Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
