I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You ruined the universe
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
