Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
