It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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