I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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