In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
